Lamb Buyer Ignores "They Bite" Warning

Robert Denlinger - April 1999
Hi - Gee, someone told me two days ago to make sure I say "Up Front" that a story has a happy ending. Well, okay, this turned out alright. So why read the rest? So maybe when I write to my friend I'll "Lie" just to make him read it. Maybe I'll do that anyway, here.

I have a passle of Kuvasok, I think that's plural of Big White Dawg, spoken by a Hungarian friend of mine named Esterhase`. And today we had some spring showers. That "pitter-patter" makes an awful din on the metal barn roofs out here.

Well, along about feeding time, late afternoon yesterday, I was scurrying into the Lamb Barn. The ewes were making the usual banshee noises to signal that all of them must occupy a square meter space in front of me, so I would more easily be able to get in. Well, that's their idea, not mine.

Do you remember that my Lamb Barn is aside the two-lane little road? Right. So a nice Chevy truck swishes by. OOOPs. it slows down. "Not now", I mumbled, think of questions of tourists. The ewes were beginning to win, as I tried desperately to squeeze the gate shut. OOOPs, they backed up. All I heard was "Those jktrWq's vriddleq ? Lpgmtryk Lambs?" Geeze, in my former life I was a linguist? "Grfpmpter xreddlebonk, YES", I replied, trying to not smirk. Heck, these good-ole-boys out here likely understood that anyway. And after all, we are selling 4H lambs right now. These dudes looked a wee bit old for 4H, but what the heck, the ACLU seems to be turning regularity into a shambles.

I turned to continue with feeding, as I lost site of their truck. And the rain was making a staccato on the roof overhead. Not to mention the ewes were mugging me. Capella was there ----then she bolted through the narrowest part of the seven-bar gate, it seemed. I heard the closing of a truck door. Good Lord! The "Main Gate" is "over yonder" and the gate "here" is clearly not to made into a main access to the farm. Well, it has Coppinger's signs at least .......

Well, hummmmm "THEY BITE" I screamed in haste, as I heard Capella throwing a very, very strong warning. It sounded as though her first was at a run. Then I heard the "Bouncy" "You're too Close" Bark. YIKES I scramble, rather vaulted, the gates, rounded the corner to see????? To SEE ??? Oh, NO ... Gulp!! (But I never called her off) The guy was atop the gate, swinging his leg ----o-v-e-r !!! Not for long! Capella delicately, with a surgeons precision, WENT FOR HIS FACE. I mean folks, this guy is a six footer, he is straddling over a four-and-a-half foot gate, and she launches from ground-zero, straight up like she had afterburners. Whoa.!

So, swift and debonair that he is, and with an Olympic gymnasts grace, he falls backwards. Picture that. Clumsiness was his saving grace today. But wait! There's more. Just when you thought it was safe to tell him to go around to the main gate, the guy smiles at a very angry Capella, BENDS over the gate and tries to pet and soothe her. He says something like "Easy ole doggie, it's OK fella ".

Well, that did it. Capella, in my not so humble opinion, is a very dainty and feminine specimen of the Kuvasz breed. She knows it too. She was irate that he called her fella? I guess so; she snapped-lunged-grabbed his jacket at the wrist as he was hastily retreating. When he stood about five feet away AND stopped looking at her (then towards me) then and only then, Capella assumed a statue-like pose "Aiming" at the two of them. Very calm, very alert. I guess she realized she had made her point to stay away from "Her Sheep"?

I explained the reason for the signs (to get money to Lorna for a vacation?). They laughed it off and walked to the truck. Capella just walked along on this side of the fence watching them. They got in and drove to the front gate. Capella met them. I put her up, but she kept whining and looking back. She was certain I was going to give away some more of her lambs? That's all. Happy ending. But I'm still confused as to why I spent a day putting up signs.